


Chaos, Chats, and Coffee

by FlightlessRaven08, Goosebait



Category: Deadpool - All Media Types, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Chatting & Messaging, Crack, Drug Use, Everyone Is Gay, F/F, Fluff, Fluff and Crack, Fluff and Humor, Gay, M/M, Multi, Pranks and Practical Jokes, Swearing, everyone gets to be happy, i have no clue how they're all still in business, its fine they're adults, no one actually works, seriously what am I doing, the authors have no clue what they're doing
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-27
Updated: 2021-02-15
Packaged: 2021-03-06 07:02:44
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 7,535
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25559275
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FlightlessRaven08/pseuds/FlightlessRaven08, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Goosebait/pseuds/Goosebait
Summary: Two coffee shops sit right next to each other, Sparks and Iron Brew Coffee, and they are bitter rivals... supposedly.Basically, the owners think they're rivals, the employees think pranking the other shop is fun, and Wade thinks.... well, it's still up for debate whether he even can.Come and visit where there may or may not be drugs in the food, wild animals behind the counter, and no one actually seems to work, preferring to text most of the time.
Relationships: Carol Danvers/Wanda Maximoff/Natasha Romanov, Clint Barton/Pietro Maximoff, James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers, Michelle Jones/Shuri, Tony Stark/Stephen Strange
Comments: 14
Kudos: 37





	1. And the penguins were never heard from again....

**Author's Note:**

> A/N (Goose): i hope everyone likes the names, i spent like 10 minutes on all of them, and that's a lot of time.
> 
> A/N (Raven): Hello. This is mostly chaos, but it was fun to write. Anyways, our plan is to update once a week sooooo yeah! Enjoy!
> 
> Names:
> 
> Sparks workers:  
> Natasha Romanova- Natashalie  
> Stephen Strange- Dr coffee maker  
> Sam Wilson- Gives you wiiiings  
> Clint Barton- SLEEP WHERE??!  
> Steve Rogers- Nationalism is a lie  
> James “Bucky” Barnes- bonky  
> Wanda Maximoff- bitch witch
> 
> Iron Brew workers:  
> Tony Stark- Tony, changes to toby stank(chapter one)  
> Peter Parker- Yeeter  
> James Rhodes- Platypus  
> Carol Danvers- lesbian space mom  
> Virginia “Pepper” Potts- The Only Responsible One  
> Vision- Human interactionope  
> Bruce Banner- mean green bean machine
> 
> Regular customers:  
> Shuri- Shure jan  
> Michelle Jones- marshmallow jenelopie  
> Loki- hisshiss mfs  
> Wade Wilson- (~￣▽￣)~  
> T’challa- T’challa- changes to WHAT ARE THOOOOSE (chapter one)  
> Pietro Maximoff- nyoom speed  
> Thor- God of POPTARTS  
> Hela- Real Regina  
> Maria Hill- A knife! NOOOOO  
> Valkerye- drunkspacebisexual  
> Okoye- strong nice bald lady

Iron Deficiency 

**Natashalie** : well that went well

**Dr. coffee maker** : Of course it did, we’re smarter than them.

**Gives you wiiiings** : thats debatable 

**SLEEP WHERE??!** : no were not

**Dr. coffee maker** : Either way, Stark will be furious when he sees it and that’s always the objective.

**Natashalie** : for someone’s sake, just admit you like his attention and thats all this is

**Dr. coffee maker** : Aren’t you supposed to be working?

**Natashalie** : fuck

**bitch witch** : f in the chat?

**Gives you wiiiings:** f

**SLEEP WHERE??!** : f

**Nationalism is a lie:** My shift is over, I’m leaving

**Dr. coffee maker:** Wait until Nat gets there!

**Nationalism is a lie:** Nope, y’all were off pranking the others while I was here, my shift’s over, I’m leaving

**bonky** : he just walked out the door, f

**Natashalie** : illl br tgeres oon

**Dr. coffee maker** : Don’t text, run

**Natashalie** : i mukltiraslk

**Dr. coffee maker** : Clint’s wearing off on you, isn’t he?

**SLEEP WHERE??!:** lol, and you text like a boomer stfu

**bitch witch:** clint no…..

**SLEEP WHERE??!:** clint yes

**bonky** : clint no…

**SLEEP WHERE??!:** clint maybe?

**Natashalie** : CLINT NO

**SLEEP WHERE??!:** clint no…….

**Dr. coffee maker:** Nat, are you working yet?

**bonky** : shes not

**Natashalie** : im getting an apron, jfc at least im in the building

**bonky** : im going back to baking

**Dr. coffee maker:** Wait, that isn’t even your job.

**bonky** : sry cant hear u over the sound of my awsome pastries

**Dr. coffee maker:** That’s it, I’m going back there just to make sure you guys don’t run this business into the ground.

**bitch witch:** lol, love you too strange 

JESUS CHRIST DON'T GIVE LOKI ANY MORE KNIVES!! 

**Tony:** WHY TF IS THERE SALT IN ALL THE SUGAR CONTAINERS AND A FUCKING PENGUIN IN THE KITCHEN

**Yeeter** : oh, the penguins mine ignore him

**Tony:** Peter… why?

**Yeeter** : the zoo was mistreating them!

**Tony:** _them_????

**Yeeter** : theres seven more around the shop somewhere

**Tony** : ...you know what? why the hell not

**Platypus** : I think the Sparks crew was responsible for the salt.

**Platypus:** We did spray paint ‘Iron Brew Rules!!!” on their window real big not too long ago...

**lesbian space mom:** that was fun…

**The Only Responsible One** : I just glad they didn’t press charges on all of you

**Human interactionnope** : Strange wanted to

**Tony:** yeah he was annoying

**Tony:** and there’s still salt in all the sugar!

**Yeeter** : ill go fix it, can someone feed all the penguins???

**lesbian space mom** : ill go buy some fish, Vis can you man the register?

**Human interactionnope** : ok 

**Yeeter** : thanks

**Tony** : thanks kid, I’m going to go yell at Strange

**lesbian space mom** : and so teh courtship continues….

**Tony** : ?

**lesbian space mom** : uh… nothing

**Yeeter** : lol

**The Only Responsible One** : Peter, do the sugar, I’ll be there soon to take over

**mean green bean machine** : i’ll be there soon too, i’ll take the register

**mean green bean machine** : since Vis doesn’t know how human conversation works

**Human interactionnope** : i resent that

**mean green bean machine** : ok mr how-old-are-you-you-look-like-you-could-be-my-mom

**Human interactionnope** : in my defense, she could’ve been

**The Only Responsible One** : But do you understand why she became angry?

**Human interactionnope** : not really, no

**Tony** : Vis, don’t text on the job

**mean green bean machine** : thought you were yelling at your nemesis?

**Tony** : ha ha, I’m almost at his office

**lesbian space mom** : what kind of fish do teh penguins like?

**Yeeter** : uhhh, just get a bunch, we’ll see what they like better

**Yeeter** : call it a business expense

**Tony** : I let you all do that too much

**Yeeter** : but the penguins…

**Tony** : it’s fine, but no more random snack hauls on my credit card for a week

**lesbian space mom** : peter your penguins better be worth it…

**Yeeter** : thanks!

**Yeeter:** @Tony

**Yeeter:** good hes gone

**Yeeter has changed Tony’s name to toby stank**

**Yeeter has deleted all communication from the last 30 seconds**

**Yeeter:** heheheh

**lesbian space mom** : hes gonna know it's u pete

**Yeeter:** shhhhhhh

ALL THE PEOPLE 

**Natashalie** : stark has entered strange’s office

**lesbian space mom** : yeah, he was annoyed 

**The Only Responsible One** : How’d you even do that with no one noticing you?

**Natashalie** : ...i have my ways

**Natashalie** : *disappears in a puff of smoke*

**bonky** : id belive it if she turned out to be magic

**SLEEP WHERE??!:** oh she is

**lesbian space mom** : it was funny when the customers realized though

**Yeeter** : a Karen came and yelled at me

**lesbian space mom** : i punched her

**Human interactionnope** : I told her not to do that

**lesbian space mom** : i ignored him

**Shure jan** : good for you!

**marshmallow jenelopie** : punching is an adequate solution to most problems

**Natashalie** : I agree

**Yeeter** : ok so the girls are gonna run the world one day, good to know

**SLEEP WHERE??!:** u didnt already know that???

**hisshiss mfs** : whos taking over the world?

**Shure jan** : you cn help

**hisshiss mfs** : I want australia

**Natashalie** : i think youre the only one so ok

**Natashalie** : whoops, theres a line gtg

**bonky** : shameful, textig and causing a line

**Nationalism is a lie:** that is literally why Stephen doesn’t trust you at the register anymore

**bonky** : *turns up rad pastry noise to block out all teh haters*

**bonky** : JESUS CHRIST

**Nationalism is a lie:** what???

**Natashalie:** do I need to come back there

**bonky:** no wade just showd up in the kitchen

**(~￣▽￣)~:** he mentioned pastries!

**Natashalie** : he does that if u mention food, ignore it

**bonky** : FUCK

**Yeeter** : everthing ok over there?

**bonky** : clint just also dropped from the ceiling

**SLEEP WHERE??!:** ive been up there since he first mentioned baking in teh sparks chat

**Natashalie** : clint… no…

**SLEEP WHERE??!:** dont u have a line?

**hisshiss mfs** : i am at the door

**SLEEP WHERE??!:** ?

**bonky** : ok if u just show up expecting baked gods you will be recruited to help bake

**hisshiss mfs** : i am not at the door

**(~￣▽￣)~** : come help before i ruin it all

**hisshiss mfs** : i am at the door

**Shure jan** : I don’t care if im recruited, i also want food

**lesbian space mom:** is someone available to help me carry a LOT of fish back?

**lesbian space mom** : to be clear, im rly fucking strong, theres just more bags than will fit on my arms

**bitch witch:** ill come help, then go steal baked goods from the people making them

**bonky** : no

**bonky** : u no help, u no eat

**T’challa** : Why do you have that much fish?

**lesbian space mom** : we’re harboring a bnch of penguins Peter stole 

**Yeeter:** dont worry about it

**Shure jan changed T’challa’s name to WHAT ARE THOOOOSE?**

**WHAT ARE THOOOOSE?:** Really sister?

**Shure jan:** ya boring and basic, i fixed it, ur welc

**bonky:** y’all, come halp with pastries in the kitchen then we can all skip work and eat tehm

**nyoom speed:** fuck yea

Iron Deficiency 

**Dr. coffee maker:** Why the actual fuck are there over fifteen people in my kitchen, eating pastries, including people from OUR RIVAL SHOP?

**Dr. coffee maker: F** or that matter, why aren't any of you working, _which I pay you to do_?

**Dr. coffee maker:** AND WHERE DID ALL THE FISH COME FROM?!

**Natashalie:** ……………….

**SLEEP WHERE??!** : ……………..

**bonky** : ……………

**bitch witch** : …………….

**Gives you wiiiings:** ………….

**Nationalism is a lie** : It was Bucky.

**bonky** : *gasps* BETRAYED!

**bonky:** BY MY NEAREST AND DEEREST FRIEND!

**bonky:** *sobs dramaticaly into pastries*

**Dr. coffee maker:** While this has been enlightening for me about who my most trustworthy employees are, it does not help me to understand why all of you, including about ten customers, and the employees of Iron Brew, have a group chat, which I could see you texting on the whole time I was yelling at you.

**SLEEP WHERE??!** : i fell asleep ten word into that.

**Natashalie** : why u have gc wid people you supposed to hate an ppl you give coffee to?

**SLEEP WHERE??!:** thank

**SLEEP WHERE??!:** and the answer is………..

**Natashalie:** ……………….

**bonky** : ……………

**Gives you wiiiings:** ………….

**Nationalism is a lie:** ………….

**bitch witch** : …………….

**bitch witch:** eyy steve didnt mess it up for once!

**Nationalism is a lie:** I resent that

**Dr. coffee maker:** What the hell is going on with you guys?

**Dr. coffee maker** : CLINT GET OUT OF THE VENTS I CAN HEAR YOU IN THERE!

**SLEEP WHERE??!:** no?

**Dr. coffee maker:** Why are you all acting like this??

**(~￣▽￣)~:** ╮(. ❛ ᴗ ❛.)╭

**Dr. coffee maker** : What the fuck? Who are you?!

**Gives you wiiiings** : try being in a group chat with that fucker

**(~￣▽￣)~:** (ง’̀-‘́)ง 

**(~￣▽￣)~ has left the chat**

**(~￣▽￣)~ has added (~￣▽￣)~ to the chat**

**(~￣▽￣)~:** btw, i got carol to take the fish back with her, yw

**(~￣▽￣)~:** k bye now (✿◠‿◠)

**(~￣▽￣)~ has left the chat**

**Dr. coffee maker:** What?

**DM from Dr. coffee maker to toby stank:**

**Dr. coffee maker:** Stark, why is that your name?

**toby stank** : What the hell do you want Strange.

**Dr. coffee maker** : It's about our employees and their...lack of focus on their jobs. I think we need to talk.


	2. Introducing, John Johnson, Son of John! (AKA Don't trust Wade with anything)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (A/N Goose: i have risen from the grave to post this, now let me sleep)  
> (A/N Raven: I'm the one doing the posting, but I feel the same way. Hope you somewhat enjoy this nonsense)
> 
> Names:  
> Sparks workers:  
> Natasha Romanova- Natashalie  
> Stephen Strange- Dr coffee maker  
> Sam Wilson- Gives you wiiiings  
> Clint Barton- SLEEP WHERE??!  
> Steve Rogers- Nationalism is a lie  
> James “Bucky” Barnes- bonky  
> Wanda Maximoff- bitch witch
> 
> Iron Brew workers:  
> Tony Stark- toby stank  
> Peter Parker- Yeeter   
> James Rhodes- Platypus  
> Carol Danvers- lesbian space mom  
> Virginia “Pepper” Potts- The Only Responsible One  
> Vision- Human interactionope  
> Bruce Banner- mean green bean machine
> 
> Regular customers:  
> Shuri- Shure jan  
> Michelle Jones- marshmallow jenelopie  
> Loki- hisshiss mfs  
> Wade Wilson- (~￣▽￣)~  
> T’challa- WHAT ARE THOOOOSE  
> Pietro Maximoff- nyoom speed  
> Thor- God of POPTARTS  
> Hela- Real Regina  
> Maria Hill- A knife! NOOOOO  
> Valkyrie- drunkspacebisexual  
> Okoye- strong nice bald lady

**DM from Dr. coffee maker to toby stank**

**Dr. coffee maker:** Were you aware that our employees, as well as several usual guests, have a group chat?

**toby stank** : No, does it matter? 

**Dr. coffee maker** : When I come back to find my kitchen full with 15+ people eating scones and blasting Minecraft parodies, yes. It does.

**toby stank** : wait, is my coffee shop empty??? I leave for half an hour and this is what happens?!

**Dr. coffee maker:** It would appear so. If it makes you feel any better, none of my employees were working either

**toby stank** : it doesnt

**Dr. coffee maker** : Well, should we do something about it?

**toby stank** : ill tell them no more random shopping on my credit card for  _ three _ weeks

**Dr. coffee maker** : That’s it?

**toby stank** : Believe me, around here that is a big deal

**(~￣▽￣)~:** ooh thats mean

**toby stank:** Fuck off Wade

**Dr. coffee maker** : Is that who that is? I was wondering.

**toby stank:** he’s friends with Peter

**Dr. coffee maker** : Yeah, I’ve seen him around, I didn’t know he was the smiley face guy.

**Dr. coffee maker:** Wait…

**Dr. coffee maker:** How is he here?!

**(~￣▽￣)~:** im an expert at sliding into peoples dms

**(~￣▽￣)~:** but guess its time to skedaddle 

**(~￣▽￣)~ has left the chat**

**DM from Shure jan to Natashalie**

**Shure jan:** wade blew his cover, I’m sending you in

**Natashalie** : you should’ve done that first

**Shure jan** : he annoyed me into sending him in first

**Shure jan** : tell us all what happens!

**DM from Dr. coffee maker to toby stank**

**toby stank:** Now that hes gone tho, are you going to punish your employees?

**Dr. coffee maker:** I will never be able to get the image of Clint and Pietro tap dancing on the counter to ‘mine diamonds’ out of my mind, so yes.

**toby stank** : don’t be too hard on them

**Dr. coffee maker:** This was unacceptable behavior.

**toby stank:** let them all be friends

**Dr. coffee maker:** It is not the friendship I’m punishing so much as the  _ large impromptu party  _ they had in my kitchen! 

**Dr. coffee maker:** There were at least three people singing off key, the tap dancing, I think Natasha was trying to teach Carol and Wanda different ways to surreptitiously kill people using her voodoo spy powers, Clint was on the ceiling, Sam was standing in a corner while Bucky and Steve threw donuts at him and scored themselves on accuracy, the kitchen is an absolute  _ mess,  _ there must be some form of punishment!

**Natashalie:** i do not have voodoo spy powers

**toby stank:** …….

**Dr. coffee maker:** …….

**Natashalie:** ….oops.

**Natashalie:** ill see myself out…

**Natashalie has left the chat**

**DM from Natashalie to Shure jan**

**Natashalie** : I blew it

**Shure jan** : YOU DID?!?!???????

**Natashalie** : im a failure

**Natashalie:** I failed at the one thing im supposed to better at than all of you

**Natashalie:** what’s even the point….

**Shure jan** : thats it, ive given up on trusting people

**DM from Shure jan to SLEEP WHERE??!**

**Shure jan** : im sending you in

**SLEEP WHERE??!:** YESSSSS i will not disappoint!!

**Shure jan:** thats what they all say, but nooooooo, they hafta go and out themselves, making the tonester and strange more n more suspicious, but are they ever careful??? Nooooo

**SLEEP WHERE??!:** u ok there shuri?

**Shure jan:** whatdoya think?

**Shure jan** : it doesn’t matter, just dont blow this, ok??????????

**DM from Dr. coffee maker to toby stank**

**Dr. coffee maker** : How do people keep getting in here???

**toby stank** : idk

**toby stank** : but please dont be too hard on your employees?

**SLEEP WHERE??!:** WHAT’S UP PEEPS!!!!!!!

**Dr. coffee maker:** Clint, what the fuck?!?! How the fuck is everyone getting in here???

**SLEEP WHERE??!:** oh fuck, screwed that up didn’t I?

**SLEEP WHERE??!:** dont tell my boss!!!

**SLEEP WHERE??! has left the chat**

**DM from Shure jan to SLEEP WHERE??!**

**Shure jan** : hows it going?

**SLEEP WHERE??!:** they found out lol

**Shure jan:** CLINT IT'S BEEN THIRTY SECONDS?!!!!

**SLEEP WHERE??!:** oops? hehe. try loki and hela next?

**Shure jan:** ugh. fine. 

**Shure jan** : ya know, if i stop stressing about this, it might actually be quite funny.

**DM from Shure jan to hisshiss mfs, God of POPTARTS, and Real Regina**

**Shure jan:** EVERY ONE. EVERY SINGLE PERSON HAS FAILED ME AND I’VE GIVEN UP

**Shure jan** : we are now in this for teh lolz folks!

**Shure jan** : all three of you are going in

**God of POPTARTS** : YES

**hisshiss mfs** : ok, we’ll see how this goes…

**Real Regina** : Finally… I can unleash death and chaos…

**Shure jan** : sounds fun, you should be in now, go spread some chaos

**DM from Dr. coffee maker to toby stank**

**Dr. coffee maker:** I’m going to make them all work overtime with reduced pay for the next week. Is that satisfactory to the great Tony Stark?

**toby stank:** well, glad to hear im great and that should work

**toby stank** : but if i hear youre overworking anyone we will have a problem

**Dr. coffee maker** : The great bit was sarcastic…

**hisshiss mfs has shared an image**

**toby stank** : WTF

**hisshiss mfs** : wade shared this with me, is it not pleasing to your eyes?

**Dr. coffee maker** : LOKI WTF

**God of POPTARTS** : greetings and salutations good men! Could any of you point me to a spot of tea!

**toby stank** : Thor, you’re here too?

**God of POPTARTS** : who is this Thor you speak of? He sounds incredibly handsome! No, my name is… John Johnson, son of John, and I am a 50 year old dapper English fellow, as you can tell from my use of language and general attitude! Pip pip cheerio!

**Real Regina** : Hello John, would you like to buy some cocaine?

**God of POPTARTS** : can i make it into tea!

**Real Regina** : You can certainly try

**God of POPTARTS** : then I will take 25 pounds of it! Just leave it outside one of these two lovely looking coffee shops (with a very handsome regular customer by the name of Thor) and I’ll pick it up as soon as my carriage gets there!

**God of POPTARTS** : I have to warn you, my horse is quite old, so it may be sitting there for a while!

**Real Regina:** Wonderful.

**Dr. coffee maker:** Do not leave 25 pounds of cocaine outside my business.

**Real Regina** : Now, how would I turn down such a lovely customer as John Johnson, son of John?

**hisshiss mfs has shared two images**

**toby stank** : MY RETINAS

**Dr. coffee maker:** How does the human body do that???

**Hisshiss mfs** : *maniacal laugh* i have never before been happy to be wades 3 am photo dumping grounds

**toby stank has removed hisshiss mfs, God of POPTARTS, and Real Regina from the chat**

**toby stank** : I feel like if we ever need to talk again, we should do it person

**Dr. coffee maker** : For once, I find myself agreeing with you


	3. the one where everyone is gay. wait, isn’t that every chapter?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN Goose: hey yall, sry for the late chapter, life is being life, Y'ALL KNOW IT B LIKE THAT SOMETIMES RITE? anyhoose, hope u enjoy!

**DM from Shure jan to hisshiss mfs, God of POPTARTS, and Real Regina**

**Shure jan** : how is it

**Real Regina has shared three screenshots**

**Shure jan:** HOLY SHIT THIS IS GOLD

**Shure jan:** imma send this to the group chat

**Shure jan** : did they kick you out yet? 

**God of POPTARTS** : Unfortunately. I do not know how they saw through my well thought out character. 

**hisshiss mfs** : oh worm

  
  
  


ALL THE PEOPLE

**Shure jan has shared three screen shots**

**Natashalie:** i think im literally dying the fuck?

**SLEEP WHERE??!** : JOHN JOHNSON SON OF JOHN *wheeze*

**Yeeter:** WADE!!! 

**(~￣▽￣)~:** THOSE PHOTOS WERE MY PRIVATE SELFIES

**hisshiss mfs** : three am Wade. i need my beauty sleep

**hisshiss mfs** : also i in no way whatsoever want to see you like that ever again

**nyoom speed** : can i have that cocaine hela?

**Real Regina:** If someone actually pays me for it…

**God of POPTARTS:** ill get this english guy i know, john or something, to pay you

**Real Regina:** That’ll be about $250, 000

**od of POPTARTS** : ...ill ask John Johson, son of John’s father, John John, son of Johnson, if he’ll pay for it

**hisshiss mfs:** ill rob a bank

**A knife! NOOOOO** : ……..what the actual fuck is going on? I'm working for fucks sake!

**The Only Responsible One** : Thank god, another responsible adult.

**Platypus** : I’m here too, I've just been lurking because I was too scared to say anything. 

**WHAT ARE THOOOOSE??** : Shall I make a groupchat to deal with all of these crazy people?

**The Only Responsible One** : Yes please T’challa.

**SLEEP WHERE??!:** *yawwwns* that interaction was so boring, the fuck?

**(~￣▽￣)~** : UWU

**marshmallow jenelopie** : no

**(~￣▽￣)~** : how did you manage to make one word that scary?

**marshmallow jenelopie** : because

**(~￣▽￣)~** : valid 

  
  
  
  


Parental figures groupchat 

**A knife! NOOOOO!:** That name is a little boring, even though we act like we are totally put together, who is in all honesty? 

**A knife! NOOOOO! Has changed the group chat name to ‘Thomas had never seen such bullshit’**

**WHAT ARE THOOOOSE??:** Fair. The big group chat is definitely too over the top for me though.

**A knife! NOOOOO!** : No, I totally agree, I just figured we could relax a little here! 

(A/N (Goose): this group chat is literally the boringest thing ever, i just wanted to show off my impeccable naming skilz. Now back to the mayhem and madness.)

  
  
  
  
  


ALL THE PEOPLE

  
  
  


**Shure jan** : how is my beautiful girlfriend today? 

**marshmallow jenelopie** : worse cause ur talking to me 

**Shure jan** : WOW HARSH

**Drunkspacebisexual** :...cheesus crust

**strong nice bald lady** : are you drunk?

**Drunkspacebisexual:** NO?!

**bitch** **witch:** hey mj, wanna join our scary lesbians gc

**marshmallow jenelopie** : hell yes

  
  
  
  


**DM from marshmallow jenelopie to Shure jan**

**marshmallow jenelopie:** you know i was just joking right? 

**Shure jan** : yea i do

**Shure jan** : i looooooove youuuu 💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕

**marshmallow jenelopie:** ew

**Shure jan** : luuuuuuuuuuuuuuuurrrvvvvvv

**marshmallow jenelopie** : nuuuuuuuuuuuuuu

  
  
  


scary lesbians

  
  


**bitch witch:** hey mj, we really dont do much in this chat, just sometimes text and glare menacingly, at ppl near us

**lesbian space mom** : and cry about pretty girls

**witch bitch** : yea we do that alot too

**A knife! NOOOOO:** They. ARe. SO. Beautiful? 

**marshmallow jenelopie** : MOOOOD

**Natashalie** : i want? a girlfriend!! Please??? Or maybe two????

**A knife! NOOOOO:** hmmmm

  
  
  


Get the hopeless gays together

  
  


**A knife! NOOOOO has sent a screenshot**

**SLEEP WHERE??!:** thyr so fuking hopeless

**Yeeter** : mood

**The Only Responsible One** : Peter no! You are not hopeless!

**nyoom speed** : to be fair, also a mood for me

**Platypus** : Why is your generation so self deprecating? 

**(~￣▽￣)~** : bc the planet is dying and so are we, keep up boomers

**Yeeter** : ^

**nyoom speed** : ^

**SLEEP WHERE??!:** ^

**Gives you wiiiings** : not of their generation, but ^

**Yeeter** : well this got depresing fast

**(~￣▽￣)~** : how EVER to get the Gays together?

**nyoom speed** : we could lock them in a closet?

**SLEEP WHERE??!** : nat would climb out via the vents, and steve would accidentally break the door

**A knife! NOOOOO has sent three screenshots**

**A knife! NOOOOO:** Theyre still crying about pretty girls jfc

**SLEEP WHERE??!** : i think thats the first ive seen u use no punctuation lol

**A knife! NOOOOO:** Yeah, cause they are clueless and i’m annoyed. 

**Gives you wiiiings** : a suggestion, i could take steve and bucky out for drinks, then leave and they’d be alone and drunk

**Platypus** : Problem, Bucky’s a violent, but still will pet every dog he sees drunk and Steve’s a sleepy drunk. 

**Yeeter** : yee, i dont see them getting romantic when drunk…

**SLEEP WHERE??!** : we could get them high and see what happens?

**A knife! NOOOOO** : You just want an excuse to get everyone high and see what happens

**SLEEP WHERE??!** : one of these days…..

**Yeeter** : clint no

**nyoom speed** : drug buckys brownies?

**Yeeter:** then we’ll ALLLLLL be high!

**nyoom speed** : yeah, thats like the whole point

**The Only Responsible One** : I’m so glad I’m in this chat to keep you guys from doing irresponsible things.

**SLEEP WHERE??!** : we literally did nothing but irresponsible things today

**Yeeter:** im going to bed because im a child

**(~￣▽￣)~:** ur in college and have done multiple all nighters in one week but go off i guess

**Yeeter:** ill talk to y’all tomorrow

**nyoom speed** : gayyyyyyyyyyyyy


	4. I have no clue anymore

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (A/N Goose: heres the next chapter bitches, also fuck romance, allos are weird!)  
> (A/N Raven: The world is a terrifying and disturbing place and I shall continue to exist in defiance of the widespread construct of time.)

ALL THE PEOPLE

**Natashalie has shared a screenshot**

**Natashalie:** this was Strange’s rant

**Yeeter has shared a photo**

**Yeeter:** here’s Stark’s

**Yeeter:** ok first line

**Yeeter:** stark- this is ridiculous in a sense, but also horribly out of line, not to mention illegal

**Nationalism is a lie:** strange- this is absolutely unacceptable

**Natashalie:** pretty similar

**Natashalie:** basically the same Strange was just more concise

**bonky** : for once lmao

**Yeeter:** 2nd line stark- having delivered…

**Nationalism is a lie:** strange- arranging to deliver…

**Yeeter:** **_25 POUNDS of COCAINE_ **

**Nationalism is a lie:** **_25 POUNDS of COCAINE_ **

**bitch witch:** lol soulmates!

**Natashalie:** *buzzfeed unsolved voice* these letters will hopefully provide answers in our ongoing search to answer the question…. Are Dr. Stephen Strange and Tony Stark actually soulmates?

**SLEEP WHERE??!:** lmao the answers yes

**Yeeter:** onward to the next lines

**Yeeter:** stark- to our front door

**Nationalism is a lie** : strange- to our front door

**bonky** : they were in sync again!

**The Only Responsible One:** All of you are insane. This is majorly breaking the law!

**Yeeter:** reading the rants they sent to us?

**The Only Responsible One:** 25 pounds of COCAINE Peter. 

**Real Regina:** tbf, it was a 50 year old british dude that bought it and got his dad to pay

**Real Regina:** He told me to deliver half of it to each doorstep

**The Only responsible One:** And since when are you a drug dealer?

**(~￣▽￣)~:** uhhhhh shes not a drug dealer exactly but shes always been willing to get u stuff if u ask

**Real Regina:** Want a daisy chain, a limo, or a tiger cub. Pay me and ill get it, idgaf

**Yeeter:** back to the rant, stark- i know none of you were directly responsible…

**Nationalism is a lie:** strange- i know this was hela’s fault, and not any of yours…..

**Yeeter:** stark- but since all of you know her i expect you to inform her to remove the cocaine at once, or she will no longer be allowed in our store.

**Nationalism is a lie:** strange- but it needs to be removed now, or someone will call the police on us.

**(~￣▽￣)~:** dont worry bout the police… or the cocaine…

**lesbian space mom:** ignoring that, do you think they realize how similar they are to eachoter???

**Gives you wiiiings:** honestly i doubt it 

**SLEEP WHERE??!:** maybe we could lock them in a closet? It might work on them better

**bonky:** ?

**Natashalie:** ?

**A knife! NOOOOO:** CLINT! NOT HERE

**SLEEP WHERE??!:** what?

**SLEEP WHERE??!:** oh shit!!!

**bitch witch:** ??what??

**lesbian space mom:** ditto

**Nationalism is a lie** : yeah, i don't get it either

**nyoom speed** : *cue nervous laughter*

**Yeeter:** alrighty then, moving on, stark- if any more cocaine shows up at our door, you’re all fired

**Nationalism is a lie** : strange- do this again and i WILL fire you

**lesbian space mom:** see, their threats r the same!!!

**WHAT ARE THOOOOSE??** : I have to agree, they are kind of meant for each other.

**Shure jan** : see!! evn my boring ass bro understands their luuuurve

**hisshiss mfs** : lllluuuuurrrve

**mean green bean machine** : what?

**(~￣▽￣)~** : cocaine brucy boi, keep up

**drunkspacebisexual** : ways to get them together: lock them in a closet, whatelse?

**marshmallow jenelopie** : invite t hem to a party, dont show up?

**(~￣▽￣)~:** get em highhhhh

**bonky:** push them into each other so they kiiiiiiiiiiiisssss

**SLEEP WHERE??!:** ohh scandelous

**lesbian space mom:** i could get into a fight with clint to make them talk to each other

**SLEEP WHERE??!:** you just want an excuse to murder me!

**lesbian space mom:** so?

**The Only Responsible One** : Can you guys please get back to work, lunch break is over.

**bonky:** BACK to work???

**(~￣▽￣)~:** yes mooooooom

**SLEEP WHERE??!:** ugh fine

**nyoom speed** : haha suckers i don't have a job!

**(~￣▽￣)~:** ill go back to murdering peeps then ig

**The Only Responsible One** : Wade no!

**(~￣▽￣)~:** (⌐■_■) 

~later that day~

**mean green bean machine:** why the fuck are the police outside?

**(~￣▽￣)~:** oof i mustve forgotten to take care of them lmao

**bitch witch** : lamooooooo

**Gives you wiiiings** : the cocaine? is gone? where? 

**(~￣▽￣)~:** deffo not me lol

**Nationalism is a lie** : i would not take that bet

**strong nice bald lady** : I’ve never been more glad I have this chat on silent.

**Shure jan** : OKOYEEEEEEE

**Yeeter** : OKOYEEEEEEEEEEE

**strong nice bald lady** : Hello you two. This has been nice, but I still am scared to stay in this chat for anything longer than a minute. Goodbye.

**(~￣▽￣)~:** who wants to get high tonight?

**SLEEP WHERE??!** : *raises hand aggressively* 

**nyoom speed** : ^^^^^^^

**bitch witch** : ^^^^^^^^^

**Shure jan** :^^^^^^^^

**WHAT ARE THOOOOSE??** : SHURI NO!

**Shure jan** : r rebecca, its not what you think!

**Yeeter** : I WONT HESITATE BITCH

**Shure jan:** *dies of ow*

**bonky** : il make cocaine meringues? You probly wont taste it that way thre like entirely sugar

**(~￣▽￣)~:** ~(˘▾˘~) 

**Natashalie** : dont you have a job?

**bonky** : i dont know what youre talking about….

  
  


**~even later~**

**bonky:** guys… strange may have eaten three of them.. Help?


	5. We Forgot About This And Didn't Post In Forever Sorry (ft a car chase)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (A/N Goose: :(((((( im sorry)  
> (A/N Raven: I'll be uploading two chapters today, as we forgot to update in so long, sorry. Hopefully, we can get back to weekly updates.)

**Natashalie** : YOU GOT OUR BOSS HIGH?!

**bonky:** i didnt mean to!

**(~￣▽￣)~:** i want videos of this, whats he d oing?

**bonky** : hes sort of…. lying on the counter??? hold up hes saying something 

**bonky:** ok hes pining but pretednding hes not by talking about how annoying stark is

**SLEEP WHERE??!** : WAIT

**SLEEP WHERE??!** : THIS IS GREAT   
  
**SLEEP WHERE??!** : shove him at stark, dont say anything, walk away

**SLEEP WHERE??!** : nat and i will watch what happens

**Natashalie** : what the hell, sure, do it

**(~￣▽￣)~:** (￣▽￣)/♫•*¨*•.¸¸♪ told u it would wooork

**(~￣▽￣)~:** also i want videooooosssss

**bonky** : we r headed towards stark, im half dragging him its ridiculous

**Natashalie** : I’m already in place

**SLEEP WHERE??!** : ive been in the vents….

**Yeeter** : im distracting mr stark 

**Natashalie** : yeah we see you

**Yeeter** : ill record

**Hisshiss mfs** : i am at the door, no way im missing this

**nyoom speed** : big mood

**lesbian space mom** : i am leaving the kitchen to watch, i dont care if i get yelled at fr not working

**The Only Responsible One** : I’m almost there, I'll keep working while whatever happens, happens.

**(~￣▽￣)~:** buck, my boi, u shouldve guarded those meringues better~

**bonky** : if i come back to see youve eaten them all i will beat your ass

**(~￣▽￣)~: ….**

**(~￣▽￣)~:** too late?

**bonky** : fuk u

**bonky** : well, were here

**bonky** : peter u got him in the front right?

**Yeeter** : yep

**bonky:** loki i can see u ur not nat

**hisshiss mfs** : screw u

**bonky** : were coming in…

**Natashalie** : …

**Natashalie** : holy fuck he just yeeted strange into starks chest with one arm

**Yeeter** : excuse me, its yote

**Yeeter** : but yee, he stronk

**Nationalism is a lie** : yeah, he is

**hisshiss mfs** : were focusing on the other hopeless gays now not u

**SLEEP WHERE??!** : lmao stark tried to question him but he just walked off

**Natashalie** : strange has sort of… attached himself to his arm? Hes trying to shake him off

**(~￣▽￣)~:** ooooooooohhhh scandalous ♡♡〜٩(^▿^)۶〜♡

**Yeeter** : mr stark started muttering something and shaking his head before dragging him off and away frm the customers

**Natashalie** : im following

**SLEEP WHERE??!** : im following and recording

**Natashalie** : theyre going back to starks office

**(~￣▽￣)~:** thats where all the ~fun~ stuff happens

**bonky** : wade, stop talking. Steve can u guard the meringues?

**(~￣▽￣)~:** nevveeeeerrrrr

**(~￣▽￣)~:** and no! theyre mine!

**SLEEP WHERE??!** : im above their heads, stark got him off his arm and now hes lying down on the floor

**bonky** : wade no

**(~￣▽￣)~:** i didnt say anything!

**lesbian space mom** : u were about to…

**Natashalie** : Stark’s trying to call someone

**bonky** : i declined it

**bonky** : ooh, hes texting me now

**bonky** : he wants to know whats happening

**SLEEP WHERE??!** : ask him where he thinks all that cocaine went?

**bonky** : ok i did

**bonky** : hes typing…..

**bonky** : he keeps typing then stopping, ike hes typing something and then erasing it

**lesbian space mom** : youve broken him, for once in his life he doesn’t know what to say 

**Natashalie:** stark is staring at his phone, strange just sat up

**Gives you wiiiings** : i think i need to scroll back to figure out whats going on….

**bonky** : dont be mad at me

**Natashalie** : strange just stood up and attached himself to starks arm again

**Yeeter** : $10 this ends with them finally getting together

**bitch witch** : i dont take sure bets

**nyoom speed** : i dont take sure bets

**nyoom speed** : fuck you!!!

**bitch witch** : ha ha u sloooowww bitch

**Gives you wiiiings** : you fed strange a bunk of coke???

**bonky** : sort of?

**Platypus:** How do you ‘sort of’ give someone drugs?

**Nationalism is a lie** : Don’t be mean to him

**hisshiss mfs:** stop stealing the spotlight, nat whats happening

**Natashalie:** Stark sat down and strange is essentially on top of him

**Yeeter:** $20, any takers at all???

**Natashalie** : ok strange kissed him, time to go

**SLEEP WHERE??!** : are u kidding its just getting good! I will play this video at their wedding

**Natashalie** : wait, looks like stark isnt responding well

**Natashalie** : he might be paralyzed

**(~￣▽￣)~:** im a doctor let me go

**bonky:** no ur not

**(~￣▽￣)~:** prove it

**Natashalie** : strange just sort of flopped down on him and might be sleeping, idk 

**(~￣▽￣)~:** y is he sleepy after taking coke

**(~￣▽￣)~:** my doctorly knowledge tells me its a stimulant

**bonky:** …..

**Hisshiss mfs** : bucky….

**(~￣▽￣)~:** what else was in those meringues?

**Real Regina** : i believe it would be my patent pending drug cocktail

**Real Regina** : in other words, a lot

**bonky** : i didn’t put enough to overdose, i dont think, but he did eat three

**(~￣▽￣)~:** I ATE FIIIIVEE WTF IS GONNA HAPPEN TO MEEEEE

**(~￣▽￣)~:** MOM DAD IM SORRY

**Natashalie** : he doesnt look dead? starks just sorta sitting there staring off into space while strange is asleep

**bonky** : watch out tho he might throw up later

**SLEEP WHERE??!** : that would be funnnnyyyyy….

**bonky** : ooh, starks texting me again

**bonky** : what… the… hell………..did...you...give….him…..

**hisshiss mfs** : just because u read that slow doesnt mean you have to subject us to it.

**bonky** : i told him hela did it

**Real Regina** : tell him he should probably take strange to the hospital…

**(~￣▽￣)~:** DO I NEED TO GO TOO?!?!?!?

**Real Regina:** um, your tolerance is pretty fucking high

**(~￣▽￣)~:** if that is mea nt to inslut me, i wont respond to it

**Yeeter** : say yeehaw if youre an inslut

**Shure jan** : yeehaw

**bitch witch** : yeehaw

**bonky** : yeehaw

**SLEEP WHERE??!** : yeehaw

**lesbian space mom** : yeehaw

**nyoom speed:** yeehaw!

**Natashalie:** ok, hes picking him up and carrying him bridal style out the back door

**(~￣▽￣)~:** ooooOOOOOOOooohhh

**Natashalie:** he’s headed towards his car, ill follow 

**Natashalie:** bucky im taking your motorcycle

**bonky:** ok do you need keys?

**Natashalie:** who do you think i am?

**bonky:** fair enough, dont break it

**SLEEP WHERE??!:** pietro can i steal your car?

**nyoom speed:** id say yes except im not there and neither is my car

**SLEEP WHERE??!:** fuck

**lesbian space mom:** im on my way out the door, you can join me in mine

**SLEEP WHERE??!:** cool!

**Shure jan:** ive already got a car that im driving remotely on the road behind them, get on my level

**marshmallow jenelopie** : no one can do that

**Shure jan** : <3

**marshmallow jenelopie** : nuuuuuuuuu

**Shure jan** : <3 <3 <3

**marshmallow jenelopie** : ok fine <3

**Shure jan** : yaaaaaayyyyy

**God of POPTARTS** : you go funky little lesbians!

**SLEEP WHERE??!** : yes, go lesbians

**SLEEP WHERE??!** : jfc, never let me get in a car with carol again she drives like a crazy person

**lesbian space mom** : stop screaming

**SLEEP WHERE??!** : PUT YOUR PHONE DOWN UR GONNA KILL ME   


**lesbian space mom:** yeah thats like the whole point

**SLEEP WHERE??!** : GET OFF OF THE SIDEWALK

**Yeeter:** Clint are u ok?

**SLEEP WHERE??!** : she just yelled ‘we have to catch up to them’ at me but at least were on the road now

**Natashalie** : it isnt like this is carchase, hes following traffic laws

**bonky** : dont text while ur driving my vehicle!

**Natashalie** : were at a light but fine

**Nationalism is a lie** : I was sent to guard some sugar things, and now im driving a blabbering idiot to the hospital

**Nationalism is a lie** : he ate five before i got there, then ate three more, shouted “I will kill god!” and now were going to the hospital

**bonky** : m’kay, dont text and drive tho you’ll die

**SLEEP WHERE??!** : so you care if steve dies, but you only care if nat wrecks ur motorcycle?

**bonky** : Yes.

**SLEEP WHERE??!** : ...ok

**Shure jan** : they’re pulling into the ER, ill park and then keep my cameras set to notify me when either of them comes out

**Natashalie** : i just pulled up, ill sneak in

**bitch witch** : dont get caught

**Natashalie** : have i ever?

**Shure Jan** : you failed at keeping silent, IN A TEXT CHAT

**Natashalie** : …. I’m going in.


	6. Don't Do Drugs Kids

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (A/N Goose: :p)  
> (A/N Raven: Here y'all go.)

JESUS CHRIST DON'T GIVE LOKI ANY MORE KNIVES!!

**toby stank** : Can one of you irresponsible fucks add me to your large group chat? 

**toby stank** : You're not in too much trouble, since none of you were directly responsible for drugging Strange. I think 

**toby stank** : but I need to speak to all of you 

**toby stank** : Now. 

**The Only Responsible One** : I will Tony. I’m sorry about how all of this went down.

**toby stank** : just please tell me there are people working? 

**The Only Responsible One** : I am, and so is Vis. 

**toby stank** : Good

ALL THE PEOPLE

**Yeeter** : starks coming yall, beware! 

**Real Regina** : I'm guessing all the blame is gonna be placed on me?

**bitch witch** : probly

**nyoom speed** : this is gonna be funnnnyyyyyyy

**The Only Responsible One has added toby stank to the chat**

**toby stank:** what the actual fuck have you all done

**bonky** : drugged some meringues? 

**bonky** : oh nvm theat was probably retorical 

**SLEEP WHERE??!** : yall, idk whats happening, but stark is pissssssed

**Gives you wiiiings** : you fucking idiot

**SLEEP WHERE??!** : what

**toby stank** : WTF ARE YOU IN THE VENTS

**SLEEP WHERE??!** : OH SHIT

**SLEEP WHERE??!** : IM SORRY DONT KILL ME

**(~￣▽￣)~** : doo u thik uicorns tase good?

**(~￣▽￣)~** : oh thres one il as k him

**(~￣▽￣)~** : helo mr unicorn! Do yuo taste godo?

**toby stank:** how many people did you guys get high?

**bonky** : i forced leterally no one to eat the meringues, but ok then

**Nationalism is a lie** : Wade ate eight, which is a lot even for his tolerance

**toby stank** : tolerance?

**toby stank** : are all of you druggies?

**SLEEP WHERE??!:** nah, its mostly just wade and then most of us occasionally. like today was supposed to be a once a month high fest 

**SLEEP WHERE??!:** what else were we supposed to do with all that cocaine? 

**toby stank** : TURN IT INTO THE POLICE??

**nyoom speed** : it cost 250,000 dollars, and you want us to turn it in? 

**toby stank:** 250,000? WHAT THE HELL?

**Real Regina** : You called?

**toby stank:** how the hell did you find that much cocaine anyways?

**Real Regina:** it's like 40 years old

**toby stank:** AND YOU FED IT TO TWO PEOPLE?

**Real Regina:** Chill gramps, it's not just cocaine

**toby stank** : WHAT ELSE IS IT?

**Real Regina** : jfc never become a drug addict

**Real Regina** : Honestly no clue lol

**Real Regina** : Other drugs?

**Nationalism is a lie** : update, Wade’s gonna be ok, just quite loopy for a while

**Yeeter** : yayyyy!

**bonky** : there also may have been vodka?

**bitch witch** : can i drink the rest?

**bonky** : ig? If wade dindint already.

**(~￣▽￣)~** : hmmm hamburgggggerrrr

**bitch witch** : yeah ur right, he probly did

**bitch witch** : oh well

**bitch witch** : i kinda need it, im the only one working, cause all of u fuckheads left me here

**bonky** : im here?

**bitch witch** : you dont count when it comes to working

**bitch witch** : do u even have a job here or do u just show up?

**toby stank** : please tell me someone is working at my store??

**The Only Responsible One** : I already told you that Vis and I are working, Tony. Also Peter decided to go help Wanda next door.

**Natashalie** : also, since you’re neglecting to tell them, strange will be fine, though he did start vomiting

**toby stank** : how do you even know that?

**Natashalie** : I followed you into the hospital

**SLEEP WHERE??!** : a lot of us followed u, nat was the only one to sneak in tho

**Natashalie** : ur in here too

**SLEEP WHERE??!** : i dont sneak, i crawl through the walls, often making a lot of noise

**lesbian space mom** : and im jaming to music in the car

**Toby stank** : ok, why did you all follow me???

**SLEEP WHERE??!** : to see the romance blossom, duh

**toby stank** : what?

**Natashalie** : we’re not blind stark, we all know u got a major crush on our boss

**toby stank** : no? I don't?

**SLEEP WHERE??!** : you completely froze up when he kissed you stark. 

**toby stank** : you were watching us?????

**SLEEP WHERE??!** : got a vid and everything man

**toby stank** : that's a violation of my rights!!!

**SLEEP WHERE??!** : nope

**SLEEP WHERE??!** : its not

**Toby stank** : delete the footage

**SLEEP WHERE??!** : i already emailed it to evryone 

**Shure jan** : and i made the video unhackable, and undeletable, so ha

**toby stank** : thats impossible.

**Yeeter** : dont say taht, she will prove you wrong every time

**marshmallow jenelopie** : as fun as this has been, im running out of popcorn, and need to keep studying 

**toby stank** : how many of you are lurking?!!

**Platypus** : All of us I think.

**strong nice bald lady** : Even I was here for the majority of that

**WHAT ARE THOOOOSE??:** in the words of my sister, ^

**mean green bean machine** : ^

**God of POPTARTS** : ^

**drunkspacebisexual** : ^ 

**Human interactionope** : ^

**tony stank** : fuck all of you

**Gives you wiiiings** : save it for strange

**SLEEP WHERE??!** : save it for strange

**bonky** : ^^^^^^^^!!!

**SLEEP WHERE??!** : DAMNIT WILSON

**Gives you wiiiings** : i only said that because i knew you would 

**SLEEP WHERE??!** : rude

**toby stank** : Why are you all so hung up on this???

**Natashalie** : just say that you like him, and we’ll stop

**Nationalism is a lie** : Most of us will at least

**toby stank** : I don’t.

**(~￣▽￣)~** : MY SKUL IS MELTNIGGGG

**bonky** : shut up, u ate my meringues, u deserve it.

**Natashalie** : rly Tony? are you sure?

**hisshiss mfs** : ^

**bonky** : ^^^

**SLEEP WHERE??!** : ^

**bitch witch** : ^

**nyoom speed** : ^

**Shure jan** : ^

**marshmallow jenelopie** : ^

**toby stank** : Alright, I get it. Stop.

**Natashalie** : not until you confe-essss

**(~￣▽￣)~** :  (〜￣▽￣)〜 〜(￣▽￣〜)

**toby stank:** Fine.

**Natashalie** : fine what?

**toby stank** : ...what you said

**SLEEP WHERE??!** : what r u trying to say stark?

**toby stank** : You all know what I’m trying to say!

**bonky** : i dont do you steve?

**Nationalism is a lie** : No clue

**Gives you wiiiings** : me neither

**mean green bean machine** : i think hes trying to say that he’s an idiot?

**bonky** : ooooooohhhhhhhhhh, thanks for translating brucy boi

**toby stank** : That wasn’t it

**Natashalie** : then what was it?

**toby stank** : i... dont hate strange

**Natashalie** : that’s really the closest you can get?

**(~￣▽￣)~** : never gonna give you up!

**toby stank** : yes

**(~￣▽￣)~** : never gonna let u doooown

**bonky** : guys, maybe we shouldnt force him to say something he doesnt want to

**(~￣▽￣)~** : never gonna run around and dessert uuuuuuuuu

**bonky** : i mean, i wouldnt rly whant someone to do that to me

**(~￣▽￣)~** : wait thas not right

**SLEEP WHERE??!** : well there goes the closet idea….

**bonky** : what?

**SLEEP WHERE??!** : nothing!

**(~￣▽￣)~** : were no strangers to loooooove

**toby stank** : exactly

**(~￣▽￣)~** : you know the rules, but I DONT because im a mercenary for hire who does a lot of drugs in his spare tiiiiiiime!

**Shure jan** : u do u wade

**Natashalie** : ok, fine, well wait until you two work it out 

**SLEEP WHERE??!** : speak for urself lol

**nyoom speed** : mood babe

**Natashalie:** wait what?

**SLEEP WHERE??!:** why thank you, i do try

**bitch witch** : WTF?

**nyoom speed** : whoops?

**toby stank** : so will you all please stop bugging me about this until I’m ready to talk about it?

**Natashalie** : yeah

**Yeeter** : yeehah

**SLEEP WHERE??!** : for now

**bonky** : yup

**Natashalie:** clint were gonna talk bout the pietro thing 

**(~￣▽￣)~** : someBODY once told me the woooorrrrld was pepperoni

**(~￣▽￣)~** : i ate pizza on top of my heeeaaaad

**(~￣▽￣)~** : i DONT know how it got there

**(~￣▽￣)~** : it wassss-ent fair

**(~￣▽￣)~** : so now i just eat pizza in beeeeeeeed!!!!!!!!!

**SLEEP WHERE??!** : good job wade, itll top the charts


	7. Two Aces Try To Write Romance

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ( A/N Goose: jebus help me, i have no idea how to write allo shit)
> 
> (A/N Raven: I ALSO HAVE NO CLUE HOW THE ALLOS FUNCTION HALP US PLEASE)

**DM from Dr. coffee maker to bitch witch**

**Dr. coffee maker:** Wanda, I'm so sorry about what happened on thursday.

**bitch witch** : wasnt ur fault dude, you got drugged

**Dr. coffee maker** : You were left alone to do the jobs of several people for an extended period of time. Please forgive me.

**bitch witch** : they literally pulled some car chase shit and followed you, it was not ur fault at all

**Dr. coffee maker** : I still feel guilty.

**bitch witch** : then pay me the salaries of four people

**Dr. coffee maker** : ...I don’t think I can do that, I can pay you double for overtime for a bit?

**bitch witch** : joking, just always ask before just eating stuff around here in the future, ok?

**Dr. coffee maker** : Definitely.

**bitch witch** : tho if you are offering extra money im taking it, just sayin’

**Dr. coffee maker** : Noted.    
  


**DM from Natashalie to SLEEP WHERE??!**

**Natashalie** : so can we talk about your apparent relationship with pietro now? its been three days

**SLEEP WHERE??!:** no?

**Natashalie:** CLINTON FRANCIS BARTON

**Natashalie:** TELL ME NOW!

**SLEEP WHERE??!:** JFC UR SCARY

**Natashalie** : comes with the territory of being called a scary lesbian

**Natashalie** : NOW TELL ME!

**SLEEP WHERE??!** : fiiiiiine

**SLEEP WHERE??!** : were not dating

**SLEEP WHERE??!** : thats it

**Natashalie** :  areyousureaboutthat.jpg

**SLEEP WHERE??!** : YES omfg

**Natshalie** : i really don't believe it, but ok, if u really dont wanna talk about it

**SLEEP WHERE??!:** ……………….

**Natashalie** : you used to tell me everything……

**SLEEP WHERE??!:** are you trying to fucking guilt me into telling you

**Natashalie** : duh 

**SLEEP WHERE??!** : imighthaveagiantcrushonhimbutitsnotabigdeal

**Natashalie** : idk, is it a big deal?

**SLEEP WHERE??!** : ...maybe?

**SLEEP WHERE??!** : hes really nice, and also kinda crazy like me, but also is really cute?????? Help?????

**Natashalie** : ur asking me? the most useless lesbian u know???

**SLEEP WHERE??!** : FUCK MEEEEEE

**Natashalie** : ask him out lazy ass

**SLEEP WHERE??!** : only if you ask out wanda or carol

**SLEEP WHERE??!** : or both

**Natashalie** : ok, i will. deal? 

**SLEEP WHERE??!** : deal   
  


**DM from SLEEP WHERE??! to nyoom speed**

**SLEEP WHERE??!** : hey, wanna go watch a movie tomorrow?

**nyoom speed:** yea sure! sonic came out like a month ago

**SLEEP WHERE??!** : can it be a date? 

**nyoom speed** : i thought we have been dating? for like the past two weeks? an u were just taking it slow????????

**SLEEP WHERE??!:** oh 

**SLEEP WHERE??!:** i didnt knwo u thought that but ok

**SLEEP WHERE??!:** ok! yeehaw!

**SLEEP WHERE??!** : les just go with the dating for two weeks thing

**SLEEP WHERE??!** : that works

**nyoom speed:** just to let u know, wanda is reading over my shoulder and dying at this

**SLEEP WHERE??!** : to wanda:  honeyyougotabigstormcoming.jpg

**nyoom speed:** j hjs bbhgnc

**nyoom speed:** this is wanda, ur both idiots

**SLEEP WHERE??!** : why do u think were dating?

**nyoom speed:** afafkffkfk fair

**SLEEP WHERE??!** : the diff between lesbian panik and gay panik demonstrated by the terror twins

**nyoom speed:** rũde

**nyoom speed:** pietro is done dying now, so hes trying to take back his pho fenqgngad lzv

**nyoom speed:** ok im back

**nyoom speed:** yeah, a movie would eb cool! 7ish?

**SLEEP WHERE??!** : yee

**SLEEP WHERE??!** : see you then! 

**nyoom speed:** u too, babe

**SLEEP WHERE??!** : sdkgndkgbaiqefgnnasfl   
  


**DM from Natashalie to SLEEP WHERE??!**

**SLEEP WHERE??! has shared two screenshots**

**Natashalie** : DED

**Natashalie** : ur so fuckign clueless barton

**SLEEP WHERE??!** : i knooooowww

**SLEEP WHERE??!:** but u need to ask someone out

**Natashalie** : fiiiiiiine

**Natashalie** : but just because u got a bf now 

**Natashalie** : ill humor you because ily and this is my congrats present

**Dm from** **Natashalie to bitch witch**

**Natashalie** : hey, wanna go on a date tomorrow

**bitch witch** : wvnwdkv vwkvn nvowvnvnwv i mean sure??!!!!   


**Natashalie** : cool. where u wanna go?

**bitch witch:** aamffkffflflflflf fdksk

**bitch witch:** sry, gay panicing super bad currently

**bitch witch:** botanical gardens? i like plants a lot

**Natashalie** : sounds cool to me

**bitch witch:** one question tho, which u don't have to answer

**bitch witch:** i always thought u liked carol?

**Natashalie** :......... i still do? i mean im not settling for u or anything, ive always had a crush on u both

**bitch witch:** ok, first of, MOOD, how are u both so hot??, and second off YUVE HAD A CRUSH ON ME??????

**bitch witch:** SKAKNWV NVNFVKCKSDCLSCCSDK

**Natashalie:** lol, ill see you tomorrow


End file.
